You Keep Treating Marriage Like a Reward
But what if it's not a goal to reach, but a gift to receive?
Another day, another what? Word.
You keep treating marriage like a reward for good works because deep down, you’ve started treating it as a means to an end, not a gift from God.
As a single woman in her mid-twenties who desires marriage one day, I’ve seen my fair share of marriage content on social media—reels, TikToks, posts from both the married and the single, all sharing their two cents on what marriage is, what it isn’t, how to wait, how to prepare, how to know if they’re “the one.” It can easily feel like everyone has something to say about it.
Most days, I filter through it. I take what’s helpful and scroll past what feels redundant, performative, or just…bleh. I try to be mindful because it’s far too easy to slip into idolizing marriage—subtly, silently, and even spiritually. I know I don’t want to fall into that trap again.
Coming from an African background, I also recognize how deeply marriage is emphasized — not just socially, but culturally and, at times, even spiritually. In some churches, marriage is held up as almost a sign of maturity or blessing, and aunties (and sometimes uncles) will subtly remind you of what’s expected: when are you settling down, when are you giving your parents grandchildren, when will you stop being “too picky.” Even if they don’t mean harm, those comments can quietly shape your heart, making you believe you are behind or incomplete if you’re not married yet.
But then, the other day, I came across a TikTok, yes, another one, and this time it was a married woman speaking. She said something simple, but striking:
Marriage is not a reward for good works.
At first, I nodded and kept scrolling. But something about that phrase stayed with me. It didn’t just land, it lingered. It began to echo in my thoughts, stirring something deeper in my spirit. I couldn’t shake it. And the more I sat with it, the more I felt a nudge—not to reject it, but to wrestle with it.
Although the statement might sound freeing on the surface, I realized that my own life and mindset had often said the opposite. Quietly. Subtly. Subconsciously.
And that’s when the Holy Spirit started to deal with me… again. Yay!
He showed me how I had fallen into thinking that if I just did everything right—waited well, served faithfully, healed from my past, pursued Him, stayed pure—then surely, surely marriage would be the outcome. Like a divine cause-and-effect. A spiritual transaction. Almost like marriage was a promotion for good Christian behaviour.
But that’s not how grace works.
And that’s not who God is.
Marriage is not a medal for spiritual performance. It’s not a trophy handed to those who pass the test. It’s not something you unlock once you’ve done enough character development.
It’s a calling—a gift. And like every good and perfect gift, it comes from above—from a God who gives freely, not transactionally. From a Father who blesses out of love, not out of obligation.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17 [NIV]
Here’s what I had to confront:
Every gift God gives is an extension of Himself.
That means it’s not just a blessing, but a reflection of His nature. A reminder of His faithfulness. A way of drawing us closer to Him, not proof that we’ve finally earned love, purpose, or spiritual status.
So when we treat marriage as a goal to reach or a reward to obtain, we unintentionally shrink the nature of God. We begin to approach Him like a vending machine, expecting him to dispense what we want based on what we’ve done. And we make the gift the destination when it was never meant to be that.
Marriage was never meant to replace God. It was always meant to reflect Him. It was never intended to complete you; it was meant to point you back to the One who already has.
To treat marriage as a means to an end is, in a way, to limit the fullness of who God is. It suggests that there’s a version of His goodness that can only be accessed through a spouse, but that’s not entirely true. God reveals His goodness in different ways to each of us, and not one blessing holds all of Him.
The gifts of God never diminish the Giver; they deepen our understanding of Him. But only when they’re received as gifts, not earned as wages. Only when they’re kept in their rightful place: submitted to His will, aligned with His heart, and entrusted back to Him with open hands.
This realization brought me to a place of repentance. It wasn’t enough to recognize the truth in my head; I had to let it shape my heart. I had to acknowledge the quiet ways I had come to believe that marriage was something to earn. That if I just prayed enough, waited long enough, healed deeply enough, then surely God would reward me. I had to surrender the mindset that turned His grace into a formula and His blessings into checkpoints.
Maybe you’ve found yourself in that same place.
Maybe today’s invitation is not just to feel comforted, but to be gently corrected. To turn away from the belief that marriage is a sign of divine approval. To release the timeline you’ve been holding onto and remember this: God Himself is enough—right here, right now. And the truest reward we will ever receive is not a wedding ring or a romantic partnership, but deeper intimacy with the One who gives every perfect gift.
Because in the end, the most valuable thing you can ever have isn’t a spouse. It’s Him.
So repent and return to Him, because after all, you are His bride.
Until next time, for another day, another word!
With love,
Eunice
Let’s rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, because the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His bride has prepared herself.
Revelation 19:7
You took the words from my thoughts and penned them beautifully. This is something Gd showed me recently!
Tu nous emmènes de profondeur en profondeur.
Sois bénie.
Bises